I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
