I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
