We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
