i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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