uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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