I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
