Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
