YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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