Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What a dumb baby whore.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
