so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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