I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
