Are we in a gay sports bar?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize