I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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