kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
