I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
