Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
