Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
