I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
