I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
