take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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