I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
