I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
