planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
