im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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