Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
