I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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