I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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