There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
