I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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