Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
