$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
