This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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