make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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