Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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