but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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