PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
