just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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