Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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