I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
of course. lets lasso hookers.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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