Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
