i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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