Don't make out with my wife yet
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
