Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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