No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
