What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
