sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
