Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
