Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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