Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
