I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
