1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
