I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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