She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
