The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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