just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
