whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
