nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
