we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
