John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
