I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
