dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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