12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
