I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
