i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
