I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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