I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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