He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
