Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
