dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
