absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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