My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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