i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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