Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
