Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I enjoy the company of your penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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