We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
