I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
