Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
