if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
