i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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