Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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