just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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