That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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