Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
