My room smells like vodka and shame
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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