i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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