in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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