In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
