yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
