i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
