if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
