So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
