Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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