Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
