Will you blow on my dice?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
