i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
