I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
