i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize