and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
