1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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