Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
