Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
