I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
