Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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