NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
