can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
