dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
