I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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