apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
