Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
