somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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