I think i peed on brittanys purse
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she pinky promised me she was 18
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize