Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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