Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
